Upgrade Your Salvation!

What you have been taught to believe is no good if it cannot withstand scrutiny.

"Let's take all that was plagiarised from pre-Christian heathen sources out of the New Testament and Jesus' life story. That is, no virgin birth, no birthday on December 25, no gift-bearing Magi like Mithras had, no crucifixion and resurrection in Easter (or at other times) like Attis, no divine father like all the pre-Christian deities, no temptation in the Desert like happened to Zoroaster. Take away the sayings originally said to be spoken by Mithras, Buddha, and others, and the titles given to him like King of Kings, Lamb of God, Good Shepherd, Chrestos, Light of the World, "The Way, Truth and Life" (from the Daoist religious book Wu Wei, The Way, by Lao Tzu). No 12 disciples representing the Zodiac, no halo around the head, no miracles such as turning water into wine (Dionysus), raising from the dead and casting out bad spirits like Apollonius, no walking on water like Buddha. Take away the parables, some of which came from Osiris and some others from Buddha. What is left? Who is that? What did he say and do? And if we take away many Christian rituals like communion, mass, baptism, Eucharist and some of the psalms and prayers, such as the Lord's Prayer and Osiris leading us through the Shadow of the Valley of Death - what rituals are truly Christian? No more pre-Christian symbols like the Cross, the Fish, the Lamb, or festivals like Easter, Christmas, the Epiphany - what remains? (Remember to bear in mind that the oldest and most famous Churches were built on demolished pagan shrines or temples.)" - Anonymous

"The real Bible was given from Sinai. The fake bible was scratched together by Roman pagans:

Mark 16 is the final chapter of the Gospel of Mark in the New Testament of the Christian Bible. It begins with the discovery of the empty tomb by Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome. There they encounter a man dressed in white who announces the Resurrection of Jesus (16:1-6). The two oldest manuscripts of Mark 16 (from the 300s) then conclude with verse 8, which ends with the women fleeing from the empty tomb, and saying "nothing to anyone, because they were afraid."

Textual critics have identified two distinct endings—the "Longer Ending" (vv. 9-20) and the "Shorter Ending," which appear together in six Greek manuscripts, and in dozens of Ethiopic copies.

Any additions and changes, which by the way are supposedly forbiden, can only be for one purpose - fraud. The fake bible, the 'New Testament', meant to replace the old one because it didn't fit with the Roman aim at conquering the world, which they've almost done in the last 2000 years through blood, torture, death and everything else they dreamed up to have happened to the 'savior of the world'.

An Easter Blessing (better late then never)

Beloved, let us rejoice, for this is a time of celebration. In the true spirit of this season, let our hearts be gladdened, and let us pray and pay tribute to the deity in whose honor this holiday comes…

…Eastre, the Germanic goddess of spring.

No, no, wait, that’s not right. Let’s try again.

Please forgive our previous silly mistake. As we all well know, beloved, this holiday comes not because of any primitive druidic goddess, but rather in honor of a heroic figure, a true god among men, who was born of a mortal woman and a divine Father. As should be obvious by now, the name of this very special child was…

…Hercules.

No – hold on. That can’t be right either.

Of course, of course. The hero of our story, the one whom we have gathered here to thank, was no figure of pagan Greek polytheism. He was a redeemer, one who came to earth to lift up sinful and ignorant humans, knowing full well he would pay the ultimate price for his actions, but willing to go ahead anyway out of love and compassion. As you all know, this blessed Savior was called…

…Prometheus.

No, no, give us just a minute. We’ll get it right.

We all know full well who is being described here, of course. He is the one, the One, who defeated death itself and rose from the grave, in a miracle that no other would-be savior has ever been able to duplicate. By dramatically displaying his power over death, he proved once and for all that he was the single true god. And his name was…

…Osiris.

No, wait. That’s not right either. Of course! What a ridiculous error to make. Our apologies.

Beloved, only one god fits this description. You know him well — millions of you around the world today worship him. He was conceived miraculously and visited while still an infant by wise men who were guided to him by a star. He lived in a small province whose evil ruler sought to have him killed before he could rise to power, but his parents were warned by a heavenly messenger who instructed them to take their child to a neighboring district, where he would be safe from the slaughter. This miracle child would come to grow up and perform many great deeds, and the timeless and moving story of his life was recounted throughout history and still rings true today. I refer of course to…

…Krishna.

Is that right? That can’t be right, can it?

No! Beloved, the god to whom I refer stands alone, unique, head and shoulders above the myths and fables of the false religions. No other savior ever claimed to duplicate his deeds. No other prophet was anything at all like him. He was the mediator between God and man, he helps departed souls ascend to heaven, and he will judge the human race at the end of the world. He shed the blood of an innocent to wash away the sins of the world and established a sacred meal ritual where flesh and blood were symbolically consumed by initiates. Only one person fits that description. You know this person well – his birthday falls near the end of the year, on December 25. As should be more than obvious by now, this person can only be the one who was called…

…Mithras.

That doesn’t seem right either…

Of course. That, too, is incorrect. My most sincere apologies. Beloved, do not let these slight slips of the tongue distract you from the power of the message I bring. Our religion is the one true religion. The claims of all others crumble under scrutiny, but ours and ours alone is validated, again and again, by historical fact. It was the first of its kind to make such claims as these; all others are merely impostors which sought to capitalize on its fame. Our savior cannot be mistaken for any other. He performed countless miracles on earth, miracles well attested to by bystanders. He healed the sick and the crippled, restored sight to the blind, cast out demons, yea, even raised the dead! His birth was of a virgin, foretold by an angel. While still a child, he exhibited extraordinary knowledge of religious scripture. He reformed the corrupt and worldly religions of his day. After his death, he rose from the grave and appeared to his disciples to prove to them his miraculous power, after which he ascended to Heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father. He was known as “the Son of God!” No other religion can make such claims! No other savior proved his divinity again and again to so many! No one can doubt his power or the truth of the message he brought. His memory will live forever. How can he be mistaken for anyone else? Of course, by now there is not a shred of doubt in any of your minds. You know as well as I do to whom I am referring. We must worship him, pay tribute to his memory, and focus on spreading his message of love and compassion; that, after everything, is the true meaning of Easter. Come, beloved, let us pray and honor the divine prophet whom I have just described. Let us glory in the everlasting love of…

…Apollonius of Tyana.

Wait – wait – wait – eh, you know what? Screw this."  ~Author Unknown